"How's the ride up there"

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty entertaing day for me.....ask any other pilot that flew up here and they would tell you they were far from entertained. It all started on my last push of the night outbound for my overnight. The weather was looking pretty gloomy as we were boarding and by the time all the passengers were on the airport went into a ground stop due to so called thunder storms over the filed. Now first off I wouldn't call what was over us a thunderstorm...to me it was just a big rain cloud. More annoying than anything else. The ground stop left us stranded on the ramp unable to go anywhere because our ground crew was inside "safe and sound" ridding the storm out...what a bunch of sissies! I can do nothing but except this and finish my lunch while watching our rampers throught the gate window dancing and beat boxing inside the terminal.(beat boxing is putting your hand over your mouth to make booming and spitting noises to dance too....it's by far one of the most restarted things you could possibly whiteness!) At this point I thought about giving them a shot of radar (turning on or weather radar and pointing the dish at them) to liven up the party lol....but I'm not that mean! After all they can't help that their stupid! While all these rapper's trapped in ramper's bodies put on their performance inside for all to see,us and dozens of planes sit out waiting to leave. There are planes lined up as far as I could see. No one was taking off and the radios where buzzing with life. The radio chatter was hilarious to me. The controller would ask plane by plane if they where ready to leave and one after the other " oh umm I don't know" lol the only thing I can equate it too is going to your local pool one day when it first opens and watch as all the little kids rush right up to the edge of the pool but none jump in..they just stand there each looking at the next to see if they are going to make the jump..too sacred to be the first one themself! Hell if it were possible I could see some of these guys hopping out of their plane and sucker pushing the guy next to him off the ground and then asking "how bad was it?". After about an hour we finally get pushed and rush to the edge our selves just to sit and wait agin...yes waiting to let someone else take the plunge first. After about a half hour of sitting at the end of the runway the captain looks at me and asks how do you feel about going with this crosswind spread? "good let's go!!!". So off down the runway we go pulling it off the ground and into the black nothingness that was looming above us. Upon reaching this ATC (air traffic control) calls "callsign xxx how is it up there?" hahaha Me "dark and wet!!" ATC "open mic with chuckling in the back ground...roger" About another 5 minutes into this we start hitting the bumpyness....not would I would call turbulence but just enough to make me start feeling at home. Right after this the radios open up with all these frantic calls from planes behind us to ATC reporting moderate turbulence behind and below us. I start laughing as they are all demanding ATC do something about this...first off we are the lead plane and it was nothing I was going to write home about much less call ATC on, second what the hell are they supposed to do about it? About this time ATC calls us "hows the ride up there?" Me "fine...my seat is a little lumpy though" you hear laughing as ATC calls back "any turbulence" me "na...we flew through the wake of a bird fart a bit ago though" a pause then laughter ATC "say again" me "unable" lol I was not about to try that twice!! There's a lot of laughter on the radio followed by a random plane "that's not funny it's bumpy down here" lol awww poor guy!! This is the kinda stuff that keeps me entertained all day!! And yes I had along reflecting period about my being a smart ass on the radios and came to the conclusion...it's not my fault I don't have a filter on my mouth so there for I can't be held responcible for half the shit that comes out of my mouth, pluse I can't believe anyone would let me talk on the radios but they do..Hell the FCC gave me a nice pice of paper saying I could so that makes it legit and also makes it their fault!! If I had it my way I would fly all the legs and never talkon the radios....problem solved. So all you ATC guys out there...you can from this point forward hold the FCC accountable! About a half hour into the flight we get into some what I would consider light to moderate turbulence. I know the flight attendant is up doing her service so I look at the captain and say I'm going to seat her so she doesn't get hurt...he approves. I hit the call button to get her on the little gally phone to tell her to put her cart up so we don't have a 200lbs projectile floating around back there. After about two minutes of no answer from her I ding her again..now when we ding her she is supposed to stop what she is doing and answer us. Another two minutes with no answer so ding three...no answer. So I decide I'm going to find out what's going on back there. I use my phone to look through the peep hole and take a picture. I cant belive what I see....she is sitting in the back with a guy passenger chit chatting!!! I look at the the captain and say our flight attendant is defective as I hold my phone up. He looks and shakes his head as I say "screw it I'm not trying any more...if we brake this FA the company will just get us another one!" She finally called about 10 minutes later and it was pretty much "bla bla bla" to me. Today I'm off and back at the crash pad....oh joy!!!! Tomorrow I head north for 6 days to test fly a new plane and do proving runs on it. At least I won't be here!! By the way one of my roommates just got home and he's in the kitchen singing show tunes!!! Perfect...it's going to be along night!