"How's the ride up there"

Yesterday turned out to be a pretty entertaing day for me.....ask any other pilot that flew up here and they would tell you they were far from entertained. It all started on my last push of the night outbound for my overnight. The weather was looking pretty gloomy as we were boarding and by the time all the passengers were on the airport went into a ground stop due to so called thunder storms over the filed. Now first off I wouldn't call what was over us a thunderstorm...to me it was just a big rain cloud. More annoying than anything else. The ground stop left us stranded on the ramp unable to go anywhere because our ground crew was inside "safe and sound" ridding the storm out...what a bunch of sissies! I can do nothing but except this and finish my lunch while watching our rampers throught the gate window dancing and beat boxing inside the terminal.(beat boxing is putting your hand over your mouth to make booming and spitting noises to dance too....it's by far one of the most restarted things you could possibly whiteness!) At this point I thought about giving them a shot of radar (turning on or weather radar and pointing the dish at them) to liven up the party lol....but I'm not that mean! After all they can't help that their stupid! While all these rapper's trapped in ramper's bodies put on their performance inside for all to see,us and dozens of planes sit out waiting to leave. There are planes lined up as far as I could see. No one was taking off and the radios where buzzing with life. The radio chatter was hilarious to me. The controller would ask plane by plane if they where ready to leave and one after the other " oh umm I don't know" lol the only thing I can equate it too is going to your local pool one day when it first opens and watch as all the little kids rush right up to the edge of the pool but none jump in..they just stand there each looking at the next to see if they are going to make the jump..too sacred to be the first one themself! Hell if it were possible I could see some of these guys hopping out of their plane and sucker pushing the guy next to him off the ground and then asking "how bad was it?". After about an hour we finally get pushed and rush to the edge our selves just to sit and wait agin...yes waiting to let someone else take the plunge first. After about a half hour of sitting at the end of the runway the captain looks at me and asks how do you feel about going with this crosswind spread? "good let's go!!!". So off down the runway we go pulling it off the ground and into the black nothingness that was looming above us. Upon reaching this ATC (air traffic control) calls "callsign xxx how is it up there?" hahaha Me "dark and wet!!" ATC "open mic with chuckling in the back ground...roger" About another 5 minutes into this we start hitting the bumpyness....not would I would call turbulence but just enough to make me start feeling at home. Right after this the radios open up with all these frantic calls from planes behind us to ATC reporting moderate turbulence behind and below us. I start laughing as they are all demanding ATC do something about this...first off we are the lead plane and it was nothing I was going to write home about much less call ATC on, second what the hell are they supposed to do about it? About this time ATC calls us "hows the ride up there?" Me "fine...my seat is a little lumpy though" you hear laughing as ATC calls back "any turbulence" me "na...we flew through the wake of a bird fart a bit ago though" a pause then laughter ATC "say again" me "unable" lol I was not about to try that twice!! There's a lot of laughter on the radio followed by a random plane "that's not funny it's bumpy down here" lol awww poor guy!! This is the kinda stuff that keeps me entertained all day!! And yes I had along reflecting period about my being a smart ass on the radios and came to the conclusion...it's not my fault I don't have a filter on my mouth so there for I can't be held responcible for half the shit that comes out of my mouth, pluse I can't believe anyone would let me talk on the radios but they do..Hell the FCC gave me a nice pice of paper saying I could so that makes it legit and also makes it their fault!! If I had it my way I would fly all the legs and never talkon the radios....problem solved. So all you ATC guys out there...you can from this point forward hold the FCC accountable! About a half hour into the flight we get into some what I would consider light to moderate turbulence. I know the flight attendant is up doing her service so I look at the captain and say I'm going to seat her so she doesn't get hurt...he approves. I hit the call button to get her on the little gally phone to tell her to put her cart up so we don't have a 200lbs projectile floating around back there. After about two minutes of no answer from her I ding her again..now when we ding her she is supposed to stop what she is doing and answer us. Another two minutes with no answer so ding three...no answer. So I decide I'm going to find out what's going on back there. I use my phone to look through the peep hole and take a picture. I cant belive what I see....she is sitting in the back with a guy passenger chit chatting!!! I look at the the captain and say our flight attendant is defective as I hold my phone up. He looks and shakes his head as I say "screw it I'm not trying any more...if we brake this FA the company will just get us another one!" She finally called about 10 minutes later and it was pretty much "bla bla bla" to me. Today I'm off and back at the crash pad....oh joy!!!! Tomorrow I head north for 6 days to test fly a new plane and do proving runs on it. At least I won't be here!! By the way one of my roommates just got home and he's in the kitchen singing show tunes!!! Perfect...it's going to be along night!

A new redisgned life on the east coast complete with gay roommates

Well folks it's been awhile since my last post. I have to apologize to those who have been trying to keep up. I have been very busy upgrading to a bigger,faster plane and moving to the east coast. I left bush flying with Dan back in march and neither of us has looked back. We have both gone on to bigger and better things in our life's and my only regret is that we separated, him staying in Alaska and me moving here to the east coast. The east coast has been exciting to fly, pay is fantastic if I could ever stay flying! But the life here sucks! I chose to come to the east coast to be number one on the seniority list and get the best schedule. Turns out this move has been nothing less than a cluster fuck. I was banking on over nighting very night that I was here.For two reasons...one I double my daily salary where I'm not in my base city,two I didn't want to have to get a crash pad! For those of you who don't know what a crash pad is I'll try to explain. It's a little slice of HELL!!!! My crash pad is a three level row home, I have an explanation for row home too!!! A row home is like herpes...they are great blistering soars on this country with no cure insight. They are houses built up side by side so close that I could help the guy next door brush his teeth while I sit on the toilet! On top of that the only crash pad that had any avlable room was the one I got and it's a flight attendant crash pad! (most crash pads are segregated pilots and flight attendants) now most guy would say score!! I get to live with a bunch of chicks! But you have to rember I am on the east coast...very gay friendly. Infact all of my roommates 18 of them are all gay guy flight attendants!!! Now I'm not a homofobe but these guy are different from any gay guy I have ever met. First off they are very open and flambouent here, as well as very pissy and stuck up!! I would much rather deal with 18 pissy women then these dudes. It's like because they feel they are the wrong sex they have to be double pissy to make up for it. It has crossed my mind to put a tampon in each one of their mouths while they sleep just to prove a point!! On top of that they all feel the need to try to convert me to the other team...walking into this place as a straight man is like walking into a military recruitment office their all going to try to convince you to sign up. Lucky for me I'm from the south and my mouth has no filter so these conversations are always hestarical to me...to the others around me not so much! Ontop of all the gay recruitment this place has no air conditioning....yes I said no air conditioning!!! Now you would think that the norther east coast wouldn't be that hot...wrong!!! It's hot as hell here. Now I'm from the deep south, one of the hottest states in the country so I'm used to the heat but what I'm not used to is not having A/C to me it's almost uncivilized I'm mean hell even our tractors have A/C's on them!!! I spend most of my time here going out alone witch sucks cause drinking alone is just a means to an end it's not enjoyable or funny it's just kinda sad. These are the times I wished Dan would have come with me, our shenanigans would have caused so much caose in this circus of any airline that it would have kept us entertained forever! As far as the flying goes its pretty mundane none of the near death experiences like the bush flying. The guys I'm flying with are all pretty good guys we do have fun... The other day the captain I was flying with was eating a lunch he brought from home while I flew, I was in a daze looking out the window not really paying attention to anything when I here " dude" so I looke over and the captain has two baby carrots shoved in his nose. I laughed so hard I almost pissed my self!! I doesn't seem that funny now especially compared to the crap me and Dan used to pull in the bush but I take what I can get these days!